God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.