literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
