If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now