I wish I only lived at night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops