we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.