Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.