I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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