at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me