Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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