i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
