Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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