Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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