I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
