Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So much rum. So many feels.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
