Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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