I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's get the cat blown out
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
