piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
