I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
FUCK WHALES
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
