Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
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Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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