If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
