Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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