someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
