Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
