There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
