Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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