today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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