I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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