Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
