I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
