There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
