I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
