Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
