the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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