I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
