I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
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Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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