just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
