life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
