I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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