who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
