I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
