Duck Duck Cougar?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
