I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
