Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
