do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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