Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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