I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
