she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
