I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
