Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
