is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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