I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
