Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pants are for mortals
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
