Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
