Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
