My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
