I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
