You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
