Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
