K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
