Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
