She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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