Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
