meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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