I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
