I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
