I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
