You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
