i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
