my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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