Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
