just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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