I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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