and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
