you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
