this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
