At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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