A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
