don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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