Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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