She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have aggressive nipples.
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