Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
