I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
