youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
