i need an iv and a liver transplant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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